I love the woman at the well story! It has so many messages for any of us struggling as women to find a place in the church. For me, I love how one day it spoke to me about being a failure and a reject. . .

It can be tough growing up. And sometimes, it can actually be tougher growing up in the church, if you don’t quite fit. Jesus – unlike John West 😉! – doesn’t reject any ‘fish’ in his kingdom, but Christians don’t always get this right. Born and bred a Lutheran, there have often been times when I have felt a failure; a reject, an outcast, like I think the woman at the well may have.

It started with early childhood sexual abuse by a distant male relative (who was for a time an elder of the church) that left long-term psychological scarring. Then, as a weedy little school kid, there was the inevitably bullying that broken kids seem to attract, and there were no in-school bullying programs or trained support available in the 60’s and 70’s! I remember one of the bullies absolutely belting a softball directly at me, badly bruising my hand, and the teacher just looking away. Being kicked through the seat all the way home for an hour on the school bus. Being punched in the stomach by a bigger kid who, I found out years later, was being beaten up at home by his alcoholic dad. Younger and smaller than everyone in my class, I remember just being afraid all the time. In high school, the bullying became more verbal, and about exclusion – who else remembers being picked last for a team in PE lessons?! As an adult female, I’ve experienced the inevitable sexual harassment and discrimination that seems entrenched in our society, in both family, workplace, and in church settings. An unwanted pat on the backside by an uncle, wolf-whistles and male colleagues coming on to me, verbal put-downs, being talked over in meetings and contributions being ignored were all part of it.

It’s taken decades of hard work in counselling and therapy to undo the damage; I was so fortunate to have some kind Youth Parents (remember them?!) take me under their wing at church youth group; their care and encouragement brought a lot of healing and fed my faith in Jesus, who never judged me, never bullied me, but always listened and heard and held my heart.
While some healing has come, broken kids generally grow up to be broken adults; broken adults make lots of mistakes, and aren’t always capable of holding down a job, or having long-term relationships, and so on. I’m on a Disability Pension, living below the recognised poverty line in Australia; unmarried with no kids, I don’t fit society’s or the church’s norms
BUT back to the woman at the well!

Earlier this year, I was struggling with that old sense of rejection and failure. I grabbed my Bible, opening it to the story I was up to in my regular readings. KAPOW!! It blessed me right between the eyes!!!

Take a close look at Photini, as she came to be known:

• she’s a Samaritan (anathema to the Jews and isn’t worshipping in the right place!)
• she’s now with her 6th partner (how shocking, and considered pretty dreadful back then!)
• worse, they aren’t even married (how terrible – a serial adultress!)

And possibly worse than all of these, she is a woman (and not of much worth in the culture at the time).

And I realised: this woman was SO a reject and a failure in the eyes of society, and probably her own eyes, her family, village, and whatever faith community she held to – just like I was feeling!

As I read her story, it was as though Jesus was saying to me. . .

‘There is nothing about you, nothing you have done, or will do, that will ever lead me to reject you.  Look at Photini – I talked with her, and loved her, and called her.  The world and even she herself might have viewed her as broken, damaged, annoying, uncomfortable to be around, difficult to relate to, and hard to love. . .my love for you is bigger than all of those things.  What matters is what I AM thinks about you – and you are mine, and you are much loved.’

I don’t know what your story is, except that there is every chance that if you’re a woman, at some point you have felt like a reject, a failure, or not good enough in the eyes of the world, or – sadly – your church.

It breaks my heart to hear different women in our church share their stories of how they have been told they can’t serve in their church because they are women. It’s taken a long time for women to be allowed to be lay-readers, to be delegates at Synod, to be elders and serve at Communion, to be school principals – and they STILL can’t serve as a pastor! Intended or not, the implicit message that comes through all of this is that ‘women aren’t good enough’; that somehow women are failures, just because of their gender.

But I believe Jesus says these same words to you too. We don’t have to be perfect for him to work through us!

No matter what our scars or wounds or stubborn sins are, Jesus loves us, calls us and chooses to use us. Yippee!!!

Isaiah 43:1 ‘Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine’.

PS: You can discover ‘What happened next’ to Photini in various historical accounts through Google. Photini and her whole family became passionate ambassadors for Jesus – tradition holds they were present at Pentecost, and even converted Nero’s daughter. She and her family eventually suffered greatly for their faith. . .but how amazing and fruitful did this ‘failure and reject’ become in the kingdom!